Not too long ago, my book club read a highly acclaimed book titled “The Art of Racing in the Rain.” I couldn’t finish it. In fact, I couldn’t get past the first chapter.

Everyone who read the book loved it, but it hit too close to home for me. It is written from the perspective of an old dog, Enzo, on the eve of his death. He’s trying to find a way to tell his owner that it’s time to put him down.  He explains he’s arthritic, has cataracts, and has lost bladder control, but his owner is not willing to let go:

“He would do it out of love, of course. I’m sure he would keep me alive as long as he possibly could, my body deteriorating, disintegrating around me, dissolving until there’s nothing left but my brain floating in a glass jar with clear liquid…But I don’t want to be kept alive.”

When I started to read the book, I thought of my dog, Elway, who is pictured above. Elway joined our family as a puppy. I still remember seeing him bound out of a barn on the farm where we adopted him. He has been a part of our lives for fourteen and a half years. Letting him go was not something I was ready to consider.

But I sit here today with that decision weighing heavily on my heart. He’s not been well. Like Enzo, arthritis is causing his back legs to fail him, his cataracts have clouded his vision, and he’s lost bladder control. Blood work last week revealed high liver enzymes, signaling a serious illness. The veterinarian has suggested euthanasia as a compassionate course of action.

Still, I’m struggling. How do I know I’m making the right decision? Would he want to fight, or like Enzo, is he ready to die? What gives me the right to decide when that should happen? Elway is a dog, not a human being, but having struggled with this decision, I can’t even begin to imagine the stress and grief associated with deciding to terminate life support for a person who’s incapacitated and has not made his or her wishes known.

I’ve written before about how sharing your healthcare wishes and explaining your reasoning can relieve your loved ones of a lot of stress they may feel in making these decisions without your guidance. The veterinarian assures me that euthanizing him is a loving choice, but I wish Elway could tell me what he wants me to do. It would relieve some of the guilt I feel about making the decision to end his life.

When I look into Elway’s eyes, they look tired. His breathing is labored. His quality of life has deteriorated. I will be by his side today as he goes to sleep for the last time. I hope he feels loved. I hope I’m doing what he would have wanted.

In Memory of Elway – April 15, 1997 to November 29, 2011

No related posts.

As families gather for Thanksgiving this year, estate planning is likely the last thing on their mind. Thanksgiving is a time to focus on the blessings for which we are most thankful such as our families, friends, and good health.

Talking about death and incapacity is…well, morbid. It would likely be an unwelcome topic of conversation around the dinner table, so don’t mention it there. Enjoy your meal. Be thankful for all your bounty. Laugh and enjoy your company.

But if you’re a part of a family that gathers only infrequently during holidays, find an opportunity during your long weekend together to discuss estate planning matters that you may have been putting off.

For some couples, it may be asking a sibling or cousin if they would be willing to serve as a guardian for your children. I always recommend you do this in person rather than over the phone so you can get a read on the prospective guardian’s willingness to take on this responsibility.

Or perhaps it’s letting your loved ones your healthcare wishes. For example, if you are terminally ill and have no chance of recovery, would you want to be kept alive by artificial means? Tell them your wishes and explain your reasoning. By sharing your feelings about these issues to your loved ones, you can potentially relieve them of a lot of stress they may experience in making these decisions on their own.

And if you haven’t yet legally documented your wishes, resolve to do so right away. Simply sharing your wishes is not legally binding. The only way you can ensure that your unique estate planning goals and objectives will be carried out is to engage in estate planning.

Having these conversations and documenting your wishes may be uncomfortable, but is something that will bring you and your family peace of mind. And that is something to be thankful for.

I wish you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving!

All my best,

Rania

This lovely photo is used courtesy of and copyright Free Range Stock, www.freerangestock.com., and James R. Gray.

Related posts:

1. Happy Holidays!

When I was a girl, my mother enjoyed needlework. She would painstakingly sew for hours, crafting beautiful pieces like the one in the image above.

My husband thinks that piece of needlepoint is a bit old fashioned, but I love it. For years it hung in the living room of my parents’ house, welcoming me home from school each day. To me, it represents my mother’s hard work, creativity and attention to detail. Just looking at it brings back wonderful memories of my childhood.

Because she knew how much I admired it, my mother gave it to me several years ago. It now hangs over a gentleman’s chest in my bedroom where I can see it every day. It has very little monetary value, but priceless sentimental value. It is something I will always treasure.

Sentimental Items Can Be a Source Of Conflict After the Death of a Relative

When people plan their estates, they often take great care in planning for the disposition assets with significant financial worth, such as their homes, 401Ks, IRAs, jewelry and valuable pieces of art. But it’s typically the items that hold sentimental value for many family members that creates the most conflict after the death of a loved one.

For example, Deborah L. Jacobs’ article “Little Things Can Cause Big Fights When a Relative Dies” explains how three siblings fought over a glass bowl that their grandmother owned. The bowl was not a valuable antique, but rather a free gift their grandmother had received when she purchased a package of store-bought Christmas pudding.

However, the bowl had sentimental value for all the children because their grandmother used this bowl to serve them breakfast when they slept over at her house.  The siblings’ mother, who now has the bowl, has actually considered burying it to avoid any conflict that may arise when she dies.

Estate Planning Tips That Prevent Family Fueds

If you are concerned that certain pieces of tangible property could be the source of conflict after you die, there are several steps you can take to minimize the changes of that occurring. In her article, Jacobs offers the following tips on how disposing of tangible items with sentimental value:

1. Talk to your family members about what items hold special sentimental value for them. Include a memorandum with your will directing who should receive each item when you die. Or consider giving them the property during your lifetime, like my mother did.
2. While you’re still alive, have family members write their names on the bottom of the items they would like.
3. If you have numerous family members and only one or two valuable possessions, direct that an independent executor sell those pieces and divide the proceeds among your family members.  A family member who can afford to purchase the piece can buy it from the estate.
4. Make a specific gift of property with sentimental value in your will. That way, there will not be a question about who should receive that item.

To read Deborah Jacobs article “Little Things Can Cause Big Fights When a Relative Dies” click on the link.

Related posts:

1. Estate Planning Can Help Parents Prevent Family Feuds
2. Top Ten Estate Planning Tips for Parents of Special Needs Children

I recently received a heart-wrenching note from a parent, whose 22 year-old son had been involved in an accident. He was knocked unconscious with multiple dislocations and was in a coma for more than two weeks.

During his hospital stay and treatment, he developed pneumonia and a staph infection which elevated his temperature and blood pressure. Complications from this development caused him to have a stroke and seizures.

He is currently incapacitated, lives at home with his parents, and requires long term rehabilitation. His parents are trying to facilitate his medical care and handle his financial affairs, including applying for social security benefits and Medicaid. But because he doesn’t have a Durable Power of Attorney, Medical Power of Attorney, and HIPAA authorization, they are encountering obstacles.

They contacted me to inquire about whether it was possible for them to obtain these documents. Unfortunately, their son doesn’t appear to have the requisite capacity to sign the documents that will allow them to step in and handle his affairs.

According to a recent study, less than one third of all Americans have documents that will protect them in the event of their incapacity. Most people believe that disability is something that happens only to older people. That we have time. That our families will be able to take care of everything if the need arise.

But without the requisite documents, a legal proceeding may be necessary to grant your loved ones the authority to act on your behalf. And this will take more time and cost more money than if you had a durable power of attorney, a medical power of attorney and a HIPAA authorization in place.

Incapacity is not just something that happens to older people. It can happen at any age. Are you prepared?

Photo courtesy of and copyright Free Range Stock, www.freerangestock.com.

No related posts.

The image above came from an actual Facebook page I found recently. An irate mother started the page after a nurse refused to provide her with information about her daughter who was injured in a car accident while five hours away at school.

It brings up an issue about which many parents sending their children off to college this fall are not aware. You may be paying your child’s college tuition and expenses, and covering him or her on your health insurance. But in the eyes of the law, your 18 year old is legally an adult and entitled to the same privacy protections that you are.

This means that even though your child may be relying on you for the majority of his or her support, privacy laws prohibit financial institutions and medical providers from disclosing private information concerning your child to you without his or her authorization.

Under normal circumstances, this may not be a problem. Parents of college students should encourage their kids to be self-reliant and financially responsible. Being away from home gives them an opportunity experience life as an adult for the first time. And encouraging independence is a good thing.

But what happens in case of an emergency? Will you be able to access information about your child’s condition if your child is seriously ill or injured while away at school? Will you be able to help them handle their financial affairs if they are incapacitated and are unable to make these decisions on their own?

Without three important documents, you may not be able to step in when your child needs you most. That’s why you should encourage your college student to get the following documents before heading off to school:

1. Durable Power of Attorney: The Durable Power of Attorney will allow your child to authorize you to manage his financial affairs either immediately or in the future should he become mentally or physically unable to do so. This would authorize you to handle tasks such as paying bills, applying for for social security or government benefits and opening and closing accounts if necessary.
2. Medical Power of Attorney: The Medical Power of Attorney allows your child to authorize you to make medical decisions if he or she is incapacitated and unable to do so. An agent acting under a Medical Power of Attorney is authorized to see the principal’s medical records to make informed medical decisions on his or her behalf.
3. HIPAA Release: HIPAA (the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996) requires health care providers and insurance companies to protect the privacy of patient’s health care information. Those who violate HIPAA are subject to civil and criminal penalties, including jail time, which makes them reluctant to share protected health information without an authorization.
   
   While it’s true an agent under a Medical Power of Attorney has the authority to view the principal’s medical records, the Medical Power of Attorney does not grant authority to the agent until the principal is incapacitated. If capacity is questioned, then HIPAA regulations would prevent access to protected health information.

   This means that even parents may be prevented from accessing their children’s medical information without an authorization, just like the mom above. By signing a HIPPA release your child can authorize doctors to share diagnoses and treatment options with you.

These three documents are easy to prepare and are relatively inexpensive. If you have a child heading off to college this year, it’s important that you discuss the importance of a these documents with him or her.

No related posts.