The Obituary of the Amazing Spider-Man

spiderman
Most obituaries are sterile. They provide basic information about the deceased person’s birth, death, and those they left behind, but are short on capturing the personality of the person who has died.

Aaron Joseph Purmort’s obituary was different. It was published in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, read as follows (I’ve emphasized some of my favorite parts in italics and bold):

Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years-long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city. His family knew him only as a kind and mild-mannered Art Director, a designer of websites and t-shirts, and concert posters who always had the right cardigan and the right thing to say (even if it was wildly inappropriate). Aaron was known for his long, entertaining stories, which he loved to repeat often. In high school, he was in the band The Asparagus Children, which reached critical acclaim in the northern suburbs. As an adult, he graduated from the College of Visual Arts (which also died an untimely death recently) and worked in several agencies around Minneapolis, settling in as an Interactive Associate Creative Director at Colle + McVoy. Aaron was a comic book aficionado, a pop-culture encyclopedia and always the most fun person at any party. He is survived by his parents Bill and Kim Kuhlmeyer, father Mark Purmort (Patricia, Autumn, Aly), sisters Erika and Nicole, first wife Gwen Stefani, current wife Nora and their son Ralph, who will grow up to avenge his father’s untimely death.

Amazing, right?

He and his wife apparently collaborated on his obituary before he died. The obituary captured Purmort’s sense of humor, wit and interests, which prevailed even at the end of his long battle with cancer.

He seemed like a great guy whose life was cut much too short.

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